romance.

I don't need a guy in my life to be happy

They are only in my head to distract me 

They lay siege to my mind when I'm bored

The small things woo me: their looks, their little actions

When, really, they are a giant sword come to be my giant distraction

that dilutes my mind and diminishes my value 

It's time I let the delusions go and look at the world with a new view

Now, I take a breath of fresh air

and find new thoughts to make my fire flare

Death by black oil — 12/12/23

Like black oil smothering my lungs and heart,

it makes me gag and want to dart

from the icky feeling.

A weirdo, in desperation, I did so wrongfully attract, 

his actions felt like a slick attack.

I keep running, looking for a place to hide;

not wanting to encounter one of his two sides.

I know deep down that he's still a child, 

but certain aspects of his behavior are way too wild.

Despite my regret, I am still thankful.

I've learned not to act different towards them, not to act overly graceful. 

The girl whose every action, every thought was for the attention of others has died.

And, in her place a lion has arrived. 

Instead, by being myself, I now feel free

and no longer have to care about what others think of me. 

Because, all that matters is me, myself, and I.  

I shouldn't have to throw away my peace and happiness for a guy. 

None of them are even worth it you see. 

Glory, is all that matters now for me. 

Letting go — 12/24/23

But for some reason, I can't help but want to still reach out to him, 

despite barely knowing who he is. 

For some reason, I just want to see him all the time:

see him smile, 

or not smile,

doesn't matter.

It's enough to keep me happy for awhile. 

I think he's just filling a void 

of loneliness that's just started to creep into my heart. 

Because, I'm not used to my current state of life

that's sometimes so cold you feel like you're being cut with a knife. 

But he doesn't matter, he never will— 

don't make him be your happiness pill. 

Don't waste your time on someone you barely know, 

for a feeling that is fleeting and soon will go. 

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care for you; 

find happiness within and accept that sometimes you will be blue.  

Now take that freedom and run far, far away from these thoughts.  

Let's end your futile love story with one last dot. 

How he makes me feel, why does he make me feel, I don't want to feel — 11/06/23

Why does my heart beat

whenever its him I see? 

Our eyes don't even meet—

he's blind to me. 

I don't even understand completely—

why he garners my attention. 

When I think back to how he used to be

and how he treated me, 

I want to know the reason. 

I want to forget this feeling. 

It makes me feel weak. 

Make it stop, please. 

like a whisper in the wind — 11/06/23

like a whisper in the wind

it calls to me 

alluring, it makes my heart beat

sometimes it loud 

a shout

i try to cover my ears to drown it out 

to no avail

i know i just have to wait out the storm

Abstract — 11/06/23

I don't want to stay in this cage, 

forced to watch your silly play. 

I just wanna be set free,

to go and follow my destiny. 

Hyper-realism; romance, it's all your fault. — 11/06/23

In my life, why has romance become such a necessity? 

Just a single glance/advance/chance, and they become like the air I need to breath. 

It's too much for me—

a distraction I'm always forced to see

in my mind and when I chance upon them. 

In real life, 

my face burns with ecstasy. 

But, I want to leave them behind.

Because, I believe 

there's better things in life I want to find. 

When I'm around you, I can't breath — 11/07/23